Eating Nothing But Lobsters (Hell Apparently)

July 8, 2007

A 60 year old englishman with a face like Keith Richards sitting on Caribbean Island in cutoff frayed jean shorts drinking the cheapest beer possible as he has been for the past 40 years.

You can only eat so many god damn lobsters. When I was living in Belize 30 years ago, I worked for a lobster fisherman while living in a shack on the beach. Belize is so god damn strict about their fishing regulations that I was paid not in dollars but in f**king 5 gallon pales of undersized lobsters.

You might think that sounds pretty good, but I’ll bet you’ve never had to eat nothing but undersized spiny lobsters. Trust me mate, there’s only so many f**king ways you can eat a f**king lobster. I tried frying it, boiling it, roasting it, broiling it, barbecuing it, currying it, pickly it. Since I wasn’t being paid any money, every god damn day for every breakfeast every lunch and every dinner I had to go back to that god damn pale of seething lobsters. And don’t think I just started to hate lobsters,  I’ve always hated f**king lobsters even before lobster hell. Did you know that they scream no matter how you cook them?

 I used to be a buddhist until I realized how much bad lobster karma I’d accumlated,  so I’ve just said f*ck it ever since.